Denial is not a river in Egypt

January 16, 2007 | Filed Under Uncategorized 

Ever since coming out to my family, I’ve never made it any secret that I’m gay to anyone I interact with on a regular basis.

I don’t leap out there with a pink boa wrapped around my neck and say “TAA-DAAA! I’M A FLAMING HOMO!” to the first person that walks by. I tend to just treat it as just another characteristic of who I am.. kind of like if we’re talking about photos and I’ll say I’m a hack of a photographer.

Or on that matter, if someone asks, “Do you have a girlfriend”, I’ll respond “No, but I had a boyfriend.” That usually gets the point across and we’ll continue talking as usual.

But even after all those years, it’s still somewhat hard to get comfortable being open about my sexuality to casual accquaintances. I don’t know them well enough to get a read on how they think on this whole thing, and I sometimes just dont put it out there - sort of waiting for a better day when I know a bit more about that person.

Case in point - there’s a bar around the corner from where I work. I’ll drop in for lunch every once a while for a burger and some soda. The girl who works there, who I’ll call Laura happened to know some sign, and was besides herself with glee to have someone that she could practice a bit with.

Laura’s a young pretty girl. We’d chat often during lunch and over the months, I got the feeling that she was more than just interested in me as friends. I was so not looking forward to the day when I’d have to break the news to her. I always totally hated it when girls would show interest in me and I’d have to kick their hearts to the street. Makes me think of that line, “Hurts me more than it hurts you.”

Well, last week, I walked in after work. I said I wanted a burger, but hold the coke, I wanted a beer instead. I placed the book I’m currently reading on the bar while seating myself on the stool. Laura took the book and started reading the summary on the back of the book.

She looked up at me with a look of disbelief and said, “A romance? Do ya like boys or what? I don’t even like romance books.”

I was completely caught off guard by the bluntness of the line of questioning, and could only manage a little grin and fire back, “Well hey here aint nothing wrong with a romance book!” I instantly knew then that my opportunity to answer the real question here was gone.

Lauren rolls her eyes and goes to pull my beer for me. I’m sitting on the stool watching her and wondering to myself why I didn’t answer. Was it because I was caught off-guard or was it because I at some subconsicous level didn’t want to disappoint her - and just how serious was her question? While she was filling up my beer, was she thinking to herself, “He didnt answer.”

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