The Dark Mile

March 21, 2008 | Filed Under Uncategorized 

Last spring/summer when I started training for the marathon, I had a typical route that took me from my house, across dupont circle and down to the banks of the Potomac where I’d run up to the Jefferson Memorial and then head back home, i often ran it late at night when the weather was cooler and traffic was less burdensome.

A particular stretch along the bank of the river just past the Kennedy Center is rather dimly lit at night.  I’d literally be running in near darkness, only able to see a few yards ahead of me.  It’d also be about 2-3 miles into the run, and when I was just starting out, that’d be when my initial energy would fade, and I’d start gasping for breath, my footsteps would stumble, and the dark shadows of trees would hang menacingly above me, cold and impersonal.  After a while, I came to term it the “dark mile“.

The dark mile was both physically and mentally challenging, because I’d be starting to doubt whether I’d be ready for the marathon, whether I’d have the gumption to do it, if I was running out of steam after only two or three miles, how could I hope to do 26.2?

But I found that if I forced myself to keep going on.  I’d pick up a second wind.  My body would become accustomed to the pace and my breathing, circulation and rythm would settle down and I’d be able to leave the dark mile behind and continue to finish out my route.

As I became a stronger runner, that dark stretch along the Potomac no longer was the point where I’d start feeling fatigued, but rather, miles later on.  But the term stuck.  Whenever I was pushing my limits, a new distance, and I found myself struggling, I would remind myself, “this is just your dark mile.. and it too, will pass“.  It was a powerful mental tool for me to just keep pushing, even when things seem their worst.

And why do I mention this now?  Most of you can probably guess it has something to do with me breaking my foot.  I woke up this morning, nearly suffocated with depression and anxeity.  My online research on heel bone fractures revealed many stories about long, difficult recoveries, and with Gabe leaving Bishop, I’d be completely on my own.

My mind kept flashing back to that terrifying moment when my foot slipped, seeing the ground rushing up at me, and realizing at the very last split second that I was going to miss the crash pad, then that awful crunching feeling in my right foot, the pain and rage I felt.  I felt sick to my stomach.  I rolled out of bed and went in the kitchen and had some cereal, but it just made me feel worse.

I felt nearly crushed this morning by feelings about my recovery, and those flashbacks to the accident.

I need to remind myself, this is the dark mile.  I need to stay strong and look ahead.  It too, will pass.

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